I haven’t written in awhile now. So just a little update, I was working in Cebu for quite some time and for almost 5 years, I am finally back in Dipolog City. The past few months, our company experienced quite a number of resignees most of which are transferring to government agencies. If i had made up my mind fast, I could’ve been one of them. Lol. But then, I think timing has got me played all right. Even though i was torn between staying and trying to apply for a government job, i initially prepared my papers for a Deped job application. I got it all ready, only that it wasn’t submitted yet. And then came a job posting from the company i am working. It is a corporate staff position and a promotion too if ever chosen. I tried applying for the job, I took the exam and interview followed 2 days later after because I was also attending a Cashier’s meeting at the time. I got quite busy, so to speak. And then during the interview, I was asked by one of the interviewers (HR manager) about why I applied for the job. And all I said was because I wanted to be assigned back home, that was my automatic response. And then she said, aside from that, “what else? Have you thought about the nature of the job? if you’d really want it?” that’s when I got hit. Because seriously I haven’t thought hard about the nature of the job. I was only thinking of coming back home. I mean, i sure know how to make minutes of a meeting because mostly that is what my work would be about, but aside from that I didn’t think much, no. So thats when I couldn’t answer quite honestly. And I was pretty much convinced I didnt get the job because after that question I was so shaken I didnt think i answered the following questions pleasantly. That’s when I also thought to not push through handing in my application to Deped just in case I get the job, I thought i might stay for awhile. And if i won’t get it, I’ll push through. That’s my plan. On the afternoon after my interview, I stayed curled up in my bed because I was on my compensatory off so i didnt have to come to work. My manager called me and informed me that I was the one chosen. My initial reaction was shocked, nervous, and happy at the same time. I was shocked because i’m pretty sure i blew it. Nervous, because i’ll be then surrounded with corporate people. And tbh, corporate people dont have the best impression to “branch people”. Normally, these two group of people don’t see eye to eye on things, thus the invisible rift is a given.
So yeah the past few days have been a roller coaster for me. I felt like there are too much changes to deal with and I get frustrated and anxious and most of the time, stressed. And i’m home and i felt like i’m struggling alone. My family is happy, my boyfriend is happy, part of me is happy I’m finally here. But my work issues (mostly adjustment) is killing me. I didnt think I would stuggle this hard. It’s been a month now since I started corporate work and I haven’t feel comfortable, not just yet. I think the reason is my main tasks have to be constantly communicating to people, mostly inquiry about big stuff. It is a huge deal to me because I usually work alone so I think I just need more time than usual. I feel like they are giving me passes because I’m new, but I wouldn’t be excused forever. I think that’s what frustrates me because everyday has become a draining activity for me.
I just….need moooore time, I guess. And I’m going to need all the support I can get because now that I think about it, maybe it is too much for me. Maybe I don’t want this job after all. The everyday travel from home to work, my downtimes and not much friends to go out with, my boyfriend’s busy schedule, and my 360-degree adjustment for this job – all these contributed to my stress. And i end up picking the wrong fights and pushing people away and I never felt so isolated than before.