diary

#lovevows

Sometimes, life opens doors to opportunities and people strange enough that you wouldnt imagine yourself to be in. Love indeed is a mystery and the thing you call destiny is very tricky. This vast world we live in embraces so much population but out of the 7.4 billion people running around this planet, I have found my one great true love.

A love to share my dreams and look forward every tomorrow with.

A love who sees my passion and share visions with.

A love who can listen to my inner thoughts even through silence.

A love who sees the eyes of a man truly smitten by his woman and only strive to paint that happiness in her smile.

Sometimes, life gives you that one missing piece of the puzzle so you could see the bigger picture. Love, even when you don’t search for it, will definitely find its way to you. And destiny will lead you to the hand you will hold to walk that aisle as a new journey unfolds.

/ In the end, I took the highway to our lovestory and it led me to a love of a lifetime. I did not search for love and yet I have found you. I love how I still get butterflies when I lay my eyes on you. I love how your eyes glow and flicker with joy with just simple gestures of thoughtfulness. I will walk a few more miles just to be right where you are, right beside you.

// And I will always hold your hand as we bravely look forward for more tomorrows to come, leaving all heartaches behind but with stronger compassion burning inside. I will look into your eyes and know that I am genuinely loved by someone that is you.

Across the seas, through the roaring waves beneath the blue skies, I am more than willing to take on more adventures with you. I will always choose you no matter what the odds are – whenever, wherever, whatever… I will always come running away with you.

/I vow to always ensure my warm embrace only for you, to catch when you fall, to carry you with grace, to always protect you from harm, to always make you feel beautiful. That I am more than willing to take on more adventures because it is with you. That I will always choose you no matter what the odds are – whenever, wherever, whatever… I will always be by your side, running away with you.

diary

am i dead?

I watched her took a handful of those little pills. There is something about the way she stares blankly at it for quite a long time – I see hesitation, much more confusion, and then there is that gaze in her eyes, fierce and bold, and too much courage to end the flow of something precious to her. Used to be. Used to be that certain pressure to her, her life. I could feel her pain. The kind of pain that are not physically inflicted, the kind of pain that builds up everytime people rejected her and judged her. The kind of pain that caused heartbreaks – the way people you love turn their backs on you and neglect you. The kind of pain that birth from betrayal of friendships – the way they talk on whispering voices, checking on you, and agreeing on thinking that you are the worst person in the world.

And you break down, you cried yourself to sleep. You wet pillows with flood of tears, thinking about all the happy memories and the failures you make.

A failure that you have become. You watched it unfold with your own eyes. You see how, people that you love turn their backs on you because you fail them in ways you thought you gave your all. You fail them because you refuse to become the kind of person they want you to be. You fail because you are yourself, unfiltered, raw, and bold. They only love you when you meet on their ends. Monsters. They are monsters trying to oust you in the game of life. And you failed.

You failed to fight. You failed to see it through the end. You did not bend your knees to pray, you bend because you let them make you the weak person that you have become. You let them ruin the kind of person that you are. You let them stamp on your value. You lost your value because you failed.

I watch her gulp that transparent liquid in that glass. I tried to stop her. I tried to look at her, catch her in the eye and convince her.

I looked in the mirror and I failed. Now that I can not fully grasp the world I am in, there is a tinge of regret of not fighting more. There is regret of not being able to feel anymore. But I let go, “I’m free.”
And slowly, I have become numb and unaware of the movements happening around me. I am invisible. I can no longer feel but I can only see.

I can see the dead person that I am. I have died a thousand more in heartbreaks and disappointments. I am a dead person wandering on streets. I am that dead person because I failed life the way it failed me.

diary

Side Effect

You came to me unexpectedly
No prescriptions, no misery
Only you showing me boldly
A raw personality and a genuine mystery.

You came to me in serenity,
A paradox of sanity and vanity,
Only then I realized what you made me see,
No intensions just plain sincerity.

You came into my life with one too many variables,
No promises only other crazy far-out stories,
You meant every other part of me and not totally,
No, never all of my whole because I belong to somebody.

You are one of my drugs in a pool of a little more,
You are an addiction I cannot control,
You are my sort of medicine that really hits to the core.

You intoxicate me with a new found serendipity,
You envelope me under your wings where I am a refugee,
You imprison me in cells I will choose not to escape,
You have taken me away with everything I know you are,
And even when I am walking in the dark,
A little of you is enough to create the spark.

What I have become,
All that I am, my whole being, I’m all still perfect,
Even when somewhere in the alternate universe I have,
You and I could have had.

Be calm and worry not,
No damage has been done,
I can always assure you that.
Never think there is nothing I can take,
Only that I guess, I am feeling your side effect.

diary

pag-ibig

Ang pag-ibig ay isa lamang simpleng kataga.
‘sing simple ng pagbungad ng araw sa umaga,
‘sing simple ng patuloy na pag-agos ng tubig sa may bukana,
‘sing simple ng buhay sa bukirin, tahimik at payapa.
Simple…
Tulad na lamang ng paghaplos ng preskong hangin sa iyong mukha,
Tulad ng walang singtamis na mga ngiting iyong likha,
Tulad ng pagsayaw ng mga sanga ng puno na sumasabay sa indayog ng ating buhay,
Wala nang iba pang mahihiling kundi ang makapiling ka’t magmahalang tunay.
Nakakamanghang isipin kung paano’ng tadhana nati’y pagtagpuin,
Sa dinamidami ng tao sa mundo, napakaswerte kong ika’y tawaging akin.
Ang bundok ng buhay man ay mahirap akyatin,
Sa piling mo’y tila walang hindi kayang tahakin,
Dahil alam ko namang hawak kamay nating lahat susuungin,
Buong lakas, buong pagmamahal, pader ng pagsubok ay babanggain
Maipaglaban lamang ang pag-ibig na pangarap natin..
Simple ngunit pambihira
Simple ngunit kakaiba
Simple ngunit sadyang napakatalinghagang salita..

diary · Life

First love: Reading

Hello there. Hello from someone who is basically trying to juggle stuff from work, school, relationships, hobbies — basically everything in my life right now. I have this book for my book report since April but I never really got around to finishing it. Now I am cramming because I still have zero knowledge to be able to discuss this the week after next and my presentation is still quite a disaster. But anyways, I need a break from that and maybe face it back later when I’m cleared from unnecesarry thoughts and negativity. Wish me luck on that, though. Lol.

Looking back, I was that diligent reader in the family. I never choose materials i read, I basically would grab anything available. And perhaps, if it is that so interesting for me, i might hold on to that piece a little longer and burry my face until I finished it only having breaks to eat my meals. That’s how crazy I sometimes get when I’m so into my reading material. I read newspapers, the bible storybook (usually from other religions), booklets, books about legends and other story books I’d borrow from my aunt’s shelf. Gosh. I remembered even reading magazines written in Cebuano. And thankful to that, I easily adapt to speaking a little bit similar to the language (which btw is very similar to how we speak in Dapitan, only a difference in some few words) with a little accent during my assignment in Cebu. If you are naturally from Mindanao and has been to Cebu, you will know what these words are. 😂 so anyway, going back to reading, I also loved reading books, mind you, even textbooks both in English and Filipino. My parents never had a hard time because I initiatively indulged and formulated my own reading habits at such an early age. Kids my age usually just love watching TV and cartoons while I do reading on my free time and ehemm…Captain Planet to also keep me sane. Ha! I’m still a child, so… 😜🤘

In my teenage years, my bestfriend Cherry was so addicted to reading pocketbooks. Hala! But at the time, i wasn’t really fond of reading PBs. Aside from the content which always involved either a poor guy attracted to a haciendera, or poor girl who would qualify as “yaya” or “muchacha” would fall in love with her boss or just plainly a rich guy. I never really find it interesting. But then one summer, Cherry packed a lot of these pocket books and gave it to me to read over the summer. So since she basically just rubbed it on my face, I gave the poor books a chance. And before summer vacation ends, I finished everything she sent me. And i was right about the poor-rich couple storyline, they just differ in plot twists and in the end, I kind of liked it na. Hahaha!

When we got back to school, my friend Shem lend me a Nancy Drew book, and from there I get pretty inclined to crime novels up until now. Then I met this girl, Aubrey who also lend me a book about vampires. Lol. I forgot the title though, but it was also a nice teenage read. Eventually, I’d find myself visiting bookstores scanning shelves for a another possible good read.

Since then, I have always been a reader. Only today, I have so much on my plate and a lot of distractions that I kind off dumped a lot of books just sitting out there and weren’t read yet. I wish I get to read everything before this year ends. I promised not getting new ones if I don’t finish these yet.

It’s 29 minutes past 8pm and I’m starving. so i’ll go now and grab my dinner.

diary · journal

Whose pineapple is this?

There will always be days when I felt like everything about my life is so wrong that I end up spreading negative cells in my body with the tendency of exploding on the outside with a lot of innocent casualty. Lol. That maybe exaggerating though. But, there will also be days when I feel so light and I’d think to myself, “Oh everything’s going right!” Maybe LIFE is meant to be lived this way. Some days sad, some days really relieved and happy. And some days, just randomly crazy and funny.

Today, we found a pineapple lying around in the office. No one knew who it came from, so now we are torn between eating it or just leaving it be. I’m not that interested with the poor pineapple but it’s almost 5pm and it is still mystery whose pineapple it was! This is hilarious! Also, we just discovered some chips from our in-house canteen expired since June some in May. Everybody is so driven to finish all of it!! just because!! haha, we all believed there is some extension to its life about 3-6 months. I’m not that interested in chips by the way, but I munched some of it anyways. Can we all just pray we don’t get stomachaches from all these madness!

That’s just crazy for one day and I still have about a few days before the week actually ends. Ughh. So maybe more crazy?? Whenever I’m sad, I’ll just think about the crazy stuff so I stay sane. Ciao for now!